On the evening of Tuesday, May 27, 2025, attendees gathered at St. Sarkis Church for the fifth installment of the popular “Pasta with Our Pastor” series, a six-week journey of spiritual and psychological reflection led by Fr. Nareg Terterian. This “Relationships & Love” session offered a deep and dynamic conversation on one of life’s most vital yet misunderstood experiences—love.
A Multi-Layered Approach to Love
Fr. Nareg began the session with psychology, drawing from two pivotal books: The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck and The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. Both works provided rich frameworks for understanding how authentic love operates in human relationships.
- From Scott Peck: Love is a Choice, Not a Feeling
Fr. Nareg highlighted Peck’s belief that romantic love is different from real love. While romantic love may draw people together, it is fleeting. True love, Peck argues, is an act of will—a choice to extend oneself for the spiritual growth of another.
Peck also emphasizes:
- Self-discipline as foundational for healthy love.
- The dangers of codependency and enmeshment.
- The need for individual wholeness in creating meaningful partnerships.
- From John Gottman: The Science of Relationships
Fr. Nareg transitioned to Gottman’s research-based model, introducing the famous “Four Horsemen” of relational destruction:
- Criticism
- Defensiveness
- Contempt
- Stonewalling
He warned that these patterns, if left unaddressed, erode relationships over time. In contrast, Gottman’s seven principles for strong marriages include building love maps, nurturing admiration, turning toward each other, allowing influence, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and most importantly, creating shared meaning.
In one of the most memorable metaphors of the evening, Fr. Nareg compared a healthy relationship to a river shared by two properties—valuable and life-giving, but only if both partners avoid “dumping sewage” into it. Respecting boundaries and individuality, he emphasized, are key.
Gibran’s Poetic Wisdom on Marriage
To illustrate the beauty of individuality within unity, Fr. Nareg read from Khalil Gibran’s celebrated poem on marriage from The Prophet. The poem encourages couples to “stand together, yet not too near together,” likening partners to the pillars of a temple that uphold a sacred structure while standing apart. Gibran’s imagery—“Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls”—resonated deeply with the evening’s message about the importance of maintaining selfhood within a relationship. Fr. Nareg adapted this metaphor into his own pastoral imagery of a shared river, reinforcing the idea that intimacy thrives not in enmeshment but in mutual respect and healthy boundaries.
Addressing Hard Questions
Attendees raised critical questions about domestic abuse, prompting a nuanced discussion about safety, power, and healing. Fr. Nareg was clear: relationships steeped in abuse often cannot and should not be saved without significant change. Safety, he reminded, is always the priority.
Theology Meets Real Life
The second half of the session turned to scripture. Using three key passages, Fr. Nareg guided the group in understanding love not just as a psychological or emotional experience, but as a divine reality.
- 1 Corinthians 13 – Often read at weddings, this passage was examined not just for its poetry but as a checklist for self-reflection. “Am I patient? Am I kind?” Fr. Nareg urged the group to use this scripture as a mirror for their own behavior.
- Ephesians 5:21-33 – One of the most debated passages, this scripture speaks of submission and sacrificial love. Fr. Nareg unpacked it carefully, noting the cultural context and emphasizing mutual submission and self-sacrifice, particularly the call for husbands to love as Christ loved the Church—giving his life.
He pointed out that spiritual leadership in marriage isn’t about dominance, but about purpose, clarity, and responsibility, a welcome counter to the outdated mantra “Happy wife, happy life.”
- John 3:16 – The evening concluded with this verse to anchor the conversation in divine love: “For God so loved the world that he gave…” This act of giving, Fr. Nareg explained, is the model for how we are to love—not to possess, but to give ourselves in service and compassion.
A Space for Growth and Grace
The session was rich with wisdom, laughter, hard truths, and grace. From salmon and pasta to soul-searching discussions, Fr. Nareg created a space where parishioners could reflect deeply on their relationships with one another and with God.
As the series approaches its final session, participants are not only gaining knowledge—they’re being formed into a more intentional, spiritually grounded community. With love as the guiding theme, Session 5 offered a profound reminder: love isn’t just something we feel. It’s something we do—and become.